My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
