it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize