youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Semen is not good for contacts.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
