I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
