just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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