he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
