Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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