that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
