so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
