Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
there is glitter all over my balls
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
