Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
