Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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