I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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