cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
