I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
