I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
