I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
