p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
