So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
