Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
