so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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