I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize