Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
