Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
