Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
