Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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