make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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