you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
