he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
