She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
