Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
