Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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