NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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