it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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