The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
