she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
