my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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