She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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