yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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