dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize