I need help removing her.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
