i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
