epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
