I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize