This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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