I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did i walk over a car last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
