i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
