I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
