Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
