So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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