I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
