i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
