i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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