So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
