Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The power of my boobs compel you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
