i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
