life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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