doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dick very happy bro
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
