Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
