did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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