come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
