I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
