My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
