I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
