if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
