Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
