Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The adults are the big ones right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
