after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
